I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
