she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
