Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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