I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
