Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
