Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
how does that bad decision feel?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
