Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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