i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
