In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
