I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
