I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
