You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
