OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
