She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
