Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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