shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
