I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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