could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
