Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
