i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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