I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
well you can't waste a boner
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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