Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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