Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
