She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
