There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
