i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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