Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
be right there i have to get my cape
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
