wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
