Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think i got beer on your cat.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
