Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
