i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
