i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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