I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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