One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
