i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
