none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
