When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
bring money and cleavage
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When are your genitals available?
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
