Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
