my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
