His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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