A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
