It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
