dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
