Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
