their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
