Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's the barista slut.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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