the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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