the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My feet surprised me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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