She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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