dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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