And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
