Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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