that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
