he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
