just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
