Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You made out with two different species that night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
