I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
