Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
