I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
