Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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