after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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