They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
