just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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