At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
