Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Someone came in the potted fern
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
