the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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