I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
