Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
