why didn't you poke me back
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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