Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Bring me that man meat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
