My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Randomize
