Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
