I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
