hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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