How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
